Arise; Make Your Bed.

Trying to summarize life and the lessons learned in the midst of it for months at a time doesn't always look super put together. Things get messy. And when I landed in Arizona back in March, it seemed like I was dropped into the middle of a mess. I tend to like things tidy and predictable, which is ironic considering the past two years of my life have been anything but that. I prefer to make plans and know what is coming, and the past few months have looked little like my intended return to "normal life."

It's funny what time does. It can take health, security, community and control and turn it into what looks like sickness, instability, loneliness and chaos (also known as distorted shadows of the truth). The reality I've found in the midst of these distortions is that the Lord doesn't care about my happiness. I don't mean that the one who created man doesn't care about the things of his heart. I am suggesting that it's much less of a concern to Him as much as our character rests in the forefront of His mind. 
 
My attitude in the thick of so much life happening was hardly anything that resembled Christ and took a lot of refining to get me to a place that is hopefully starting to look more like Him. I have been bouncing between hospitals, churches, preschools, nursing homes, funerals, weddings, changed community, and anything in between. I guess you could say I'm just walking the journey of life, but it seemed to come at me faster than I had expected in a compact time frame. I walked into everything that I once knew and discovered it had changed more than I was ready for. Once things would settle, a new "crisis" would soon follow. And the result? Pity, apathy, the temptation to hide and not enter into it.

A trend of my life in the past has been to build up walls and hide behind them, thinking I could do this life thing fine on my own, not wanting to appear weak or seem like a burden to the people around me. This typically leads to turning things into a much bigger deal than they really are and becoming selfish in my thoughts and actions. Something I have been trying to embrace in the last few years (sometimes better than others) has been what I like to refer to as "hiding in a fish bowl." The thing about hiding in a fish bowl is that everyone can see you. In that, you can't turn things into something they are not. I want the human parts of me to be slain with the sharpest sword, and often that takes the people around you calling them out in love, truth and grace.

  

I have been reading through Acts recently and many stories have stood out and resonated with me in this time. One in particular that has continued to have an impact is from Acts 9:

32 Now it came to pass, as Peter went through all parts of the country, that he also came down to the saints who dwelt in Lydda. 33 There he found a certain man named Aeneas, who had been bedridden eight years and was paralyzed. 34 And Peter said to him, “Aeneas, Jesus the Christ heals you. Arise and make your bed.” Then he arose immediately. 35 So all who dwelt at Lydda and Sharon saw him and turned to the Lord.  

This man had been passed by for eight years without healing; an outcast begging in the street. I can only assume he felt a little apathetic and some self-pity. Then Peter walks by, and with a few simple words (along with the mighty power of God), he gets up and is on his way. The kicker for me was what Peter says though: "Arise, and make your bed." It's as if, as I said earlier, the Lord doesn't care about our circumstance as much as He cares about our character in the midst of it. It's as if the Lord is saying, "Once you have an encounter with me that shakes you to the core and heals you, we don't have time for you to lay around anymore. Get up, pick up responsibilities, and know the weight of what just happened." One of our teachers in Spain said one day, "If you can't get up to change the light bulb, the Lord is not going to ask you to change the world. Take responsibility." 

I am aware that I may be taking this passage out of context, however it has altered my perspective. I have had encounters with the Lord that have shaken me to the core. I have met Him in ways that don't allow me to feel apathy or pity. So as a daily discipline more recently, I have woken up and made my bed before I go out for the day. As someone who always thought this was the biggest waste of time considering I would be getting back in it hours later, this was a big deal. It's more than a chore in the morning. Rather, it's me saying, "I choose in today. No matter what lies ahead of me today, I choose in." 

  
We don't always get to decide what we walk through or what happens around us. It is a divine privilege to sit face to face with brokenness, whether your own or others'. I tend to think that life is about getting to a place of wholeness, but I believe, more than ever, that there is beauty in the unraveling. It's like having a gift and not knowing what treasure lies inside unless you take off the wrapping. The beauty isn't really in the outside; it comes out once you unravel that and discover what's been dwelling inside all along.  

We are meant to be a house for the Lord to dwell, and for a while recently, my house was full. Full of things that looked like the opposite of His Spirit and truth. Now that those things are getting cleared out again, (bless Him, we are always in progress), there is room for Him to rest His head again. I pray that, like the end of the story, people will "see [me] and turn to the Lord." Not because of me, but because of the work He is continuing to do in me.  

So my friends, if you are in a place of overwhelming life right now, pause, breathe, and listen: "Jesus, the Christ, heals you. Arise and make your bed."

Facing Giants

I woke up before the sun, attune to the melody the Lord was playing that I so often tune out with my thoughts. My senses were acutely aware of my surroundings- the rhythmic ebb and flow of the waves crashing to shore, the pinks and oranges lining the horizon suggesting the rising of the sun, the brisk air blowing through the door and wrinkling the sheets. I thanked the Lord for my breath, only to find out that a few breaths earlier, my grandma was receiving some hard news from the doctor—the same news that my grandpa had received only a year before. It made me cling tighter to the gifts that were around me. It was one of those sobering moments that remind me that my days are numbered and life is a vapor.

An hour later, I toasted my friend over breakfast as we overlooked the Med on the balcony. She asked what we were toasting to- a question that caught me off guard- like there has to be an occasion to celebrate. I believe we should celebrate because we are alive, because we have the gift of breath, because the Lord is good.

We sat and watched the sunlight splash gold into the sea as the waves rolled up to the shore. We ate like queens as we talked about how unfair life was without her even knowing the news that I had received that morning. Yes, we can gather that it is highly unfair. Only the night before, we had sat on this same balcony discussing the joys, struggles, lessons and memories of the past year and the promises, joys and expectations of the coming year. We talked about places our feet had tread and stories of people who had captured our hearts. We spoke of children in orphanages who emanated the joy that each of us should carry, and of beggars on the street who have more hope than those with large houses and a steady income.

The next day, I received news of a sweet new life brought into the world as my cousin rejoiced over his first-born child born 8 weeks early (thankfully healthy and beautiful). Hours later, I received news of a friend I had grown up with going into emergency surgery for a head trauma he had received after falling at work.

None of these circumstances phased me in the way that I would assume they would. I claimed the healing of Christ over them right away. I know the God who knit them together in their mother’s womb- the same God who is called the great physician- the God who delights in miracles. To say that worry wasn’t there would be a lie, but alongside that worry came a greater peace.

At church that same weekend, the message was about David- a man who fought lions and bears, battles and giants. David walked into the battle with the giant, Goliath, proclaiming victory from the start. He looked at the situation in front of him, came in the name of the Lord, and stood confident in how it would end. He knew the Lord was with him. I realized in the midst of the message that no battle is bigger than another. In our lives, more practically, whether it’s a financial burden, an illness, or a seemingly small problem, they are essentially all the same. We serve a God who will never leave nor forsake us. We serve a God who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow- He changes not. Even picture evidence from a doctor should not cause us to flinch, because His character is not altered based on circumstance. The mountains before us may seem to vary in size, but the outcomes are the same, assured by a never changing God. He has guaranteed the victory.

I admit that I am not always instantly optimistic in the face of adversity. I, like Joshua, sometimes need to be reminded by the Lord to be strong and courageous. But then like David, I try to run towards the enemy with a stone in hand, confident in the one who goes before me. I don't have to sit in defeat or allow worry to tempt me to inaction.

I have been learning a lot from David in terms of coming from a place of fullness that is derived from a deep intimacy with God. It's easy to look at circumstances and want to walk the other way, but it takes a confidence that comes from reaching into that deep well to face the mountains and proclaim who God is. David recognized the many ways we can commune with the Lord- as father, as provider, as shepherd, as friend, etc. He came to the Lord with a yielding and surrendered heart and experienced joy, peace and worship in the midst of trial and hardship. He came with the humility of a shepherd, and the authority of a king. He meditated on the goodness of God and reminded himself often of the things God had done. He ran in relentless pursuit of knowing and understanding the heart of God, and despite his many shortcomings, he was called a man after God's own heart. 

In the midst of challenges, our character is built. When I am learning things, God always seems to give me plenty of opportunity to make sure that what I am getting revelation on is deeply engrained within me. It's one thing for me to sit here claiming His goodness to whoever may read this, but it means nothing unless I am living the truth of it on the other side of the screen. Whether it's in joy and celebration or struggle and hardship, I want to stand in intimacy with Christ and proclaim Him based on the truth that I know, so through my character others are drawn to Him. 

Celebrate

I'm going to keep this short and sweet today.

Life is a gift, and each new day is a reason to celebrate.

I have been reminded daily of the beauty and blessings that surround me. I wake up so thankful and the smallest things have caught my eye. There is joy in everything, we just need to choose to have eyes to see it.

I have been keeping a list of "1000 gifts" while here in Spain, inspired by a book with the same title. In a mere month and a half, I already have over 300 things that have brought me joy in my time here, and probably hundreds more that I have not written down. When you begin to write these things down, something starts to happen with your mind, and it becomes a daily ritual to scope out the details you would normally pass by without a glance.

Joy in the everyday. That's really all I want to leave with you today. From fall leaves, to yummy smelling candles, to writing with pink pens. Choose to celebrate even in the small things; because rejoicing in the small victories cultivates a grateful heart and a joyful life. You will then find yourself screaming from rooftops and dancing in kitchens....or maybe that's just me.

If you are going through something, take your eyes and thoughts off of it for a while. Go dance in a park, breathe in the fresh air, look around and say "thank you." That weight is bound to lift, and your toes will start tappin'.

Look around; His gifts are abundant.

What are you thankful for today?

Revelation of His Love

I sat in Moldova a year ago to this month, and breathed a sigh of sweet relief. I was part of a society that I didn’t know I was on the outside of, until I was on the inside. I finally felt and understood what I had only claimed to know for the ten years prior. I got it. I had a revelation of my Father’s love for me. It is one thing to know it, and another to feel it and live out the implications of it. I was loved by my creator. I was free. I could be me without fear of man because I knew in whom my identity came. I used my voice more and was much less afraid to step out.

I thought it was so wild how I could follow Christ for so long and yet never have a revelation of His love in such a transforming way. I had tasted bits and pieces of freedom, but not in a way that His love swept in and crushed things holding me back to the point that they had absolutely no hold. I had walls up that allowed me to view His love from a distance but never allow it penetrate my heart and captivate my soul. As His love transformed me to look more like Him, I began to look more like myself.

In the past, I was unsettled sitting alone in silence because my lack of freedom led to anxiety. As I continue to walk further with the Lord, I am learning to enjoy hanging out with myself. I am learning to enjoy my own company. I am learning to appreciate the creation that He made and the mind and gifts He's given me. I am becoming more and more settled in my identity and I love to just get away with the Lord and hang out alone.


I sat on the beach here in Spain by myself a year later and had a similar revelation to the one in Moldova. It was a revelation of His love that continues to bring insane amounts of transformation and freedom. I used to be afraid to do things because addiction ran throughout my family and I didn't want to get caught in it. I used to make decisions sometimes out of rebellion, or would fear the judgement and condemnation of others based on certain decisions. Many of these fears came from religion and were held there by lies. I am realizing that rather than making decisions based on those same things, I am now making them based on the revelation of His love. Rebellion isn't an issue because I know my Father's love for me. I don't fear what other people think of my decisions because they are based on His love. Addiction is no longer in my blood line, because I have a revelation of His love. I am free of these things and so much more. 

I thought for so long I knew what freedom felt like. I thought I knew what His love was. I am realizing that it is one thing to know it in my head, and a whole other thing to feel it in my spirit and allow it to transform the corrupted areas of my life. I am continuing to come to know what freedom feels like, and how it releases you to truly live abundantly. I am seeing how the more free I live, the more I give others permission to live free as well.

His love is real. It is captivating. It releases you to live free.

Are you allowing His love to transform you?

But If Not....

I stood on a rooftop, battling in prayer for a woman I had never met. 

31 years old, 3 kids and a husband. She was in the hospital in a coma. Her brain was inactive and the prognosis didn't look good, but I knew that my God was bigger and desires life for us.

After about a week of praying, Saturday came, and the doctors said her brain showed activity. Praise Jesus! She was coming back...

Sunday rolled around, and it got much worse again. My thoughts were what many try to tell us to comfort us when struggles come. "It always get worse, before it gets better, right? It has to get better..."

That's when I went to the roof.

I paced back and forth shouting prayers, with a deep yearning for this woman to breathe in new life; to wake up and be able to be a mom, a wife, a friend, and to live to see her kids grow and the world around her change more and more. 

Life, Lord! Life, life, life. Abounding, abundant, flourishing life. Awaken her, and breathe newness into her. Restore her body. Please, Lord, let her have new life.

I woke up the next morning to a text from my friend saying,

"My friend is with Jesus"

Great, my prayers for life were answered with death.

I threw my phone on the bed, honestly feeling a little defeated. I walked towards the bathroom to get in the shower, and as I walked, I felt a prompting from the Lord...go read the text again.

Why do I need to do that? I know what it said. It said she died. 

Turn around and go read it again.

I grudgingly walked back to my room. "My friend is with Jesus."

Oh my gosh, Lord. Forgive me. 

My eyes welled up with tears. How quick I was to look at my desires instead of rejoicing for a woman who was in the presence of the Lord. I sat on my bed and thanked my God who delights in answering our prayers.

I was praying for life, but in my finite mind that meant that her brain would wake up and breathe life into her lungs that were being inflated by a machine. I wanted her physical body restored, and I expected the Lord to show up in that way.

Not only did the Lord answer my prayer, but it was answered 100-fold. My finite mind couldn't bear for her physical body to perish, but His infinite mind delighted in restoring it all and allowing her to be in His presence for eternity.

I answered your prayer. How much more abounding, abundant, flourishing life can you have than face to face with me? She is whole, she is dancing, she is rejoicing.

In class the other day, we talked about the concept of "But if not..."

We were talking about it in terms of pursuing the Lord alongside dreams that continue failing. This phrase is used to show devotion to the Lord in the midst of trials throughout the Bible.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter.

If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.

But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." 

Nebuchadnezzer was trying to get these men to worhsip idols, and the terms if they didn't was to be put to death in the fiery furnace. They stood in devotion to their one true God. The three men expected God to show up and save them from death. They knew that their God was faithful. Their prayer was to be delivered, and yet they said, "but if not" (meaning, but if God has other plans than the ones we have), we will worship Him anyways.

I was wondering what the reactions of the people who knew this woman I had been praying for would be. If I was a stranger feeling heartbroken and facing those moments of defeat, I expected there to be stories of heartache, doubt, maybe even a little anger that the Lord would take this woman from the Earth. I was invited to a Facebook group of people praying for her and her family. I explored the page and was astonished at what I found. Testimony upon testimony of the Lord's faithfulness. In the midst of the seeming tragedy of her death, people were proclaiming the goodness of the Lord. (Amen.)

I often give the Lord terms based on my expectations. I think I can negotiate with Him in prayer, and when I don't get my way I get upset, when in reality His goodness never faltered. I sometimes serve the idol of answered prayers and forget the One who has unwavering love for me. There are times it seems that He hasn't/won't answer prayers. In those times, I get the privilege of letting go of my desires, returning to the truth and saying "I want this to happen, but if not...you are good. You are faithful. You love me. You desire abundant life for your children."

In the midst of my but if not moments, may I always choose to say "Lord, you are good."

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

Hey! I'm leaving for Spain today--Oct. 3rd! 

I am marching out to get equipped for the next 6 months to put legs on a dream the Lord has given me to start a girls home for young women who have completed programs (like Teen Challenge or others). I am wanting to open it for girls who need a place to go and grow in the Lord, and who's homes are not the best place for them to return.

I am about half way sponsored to do this program in Spain, but still need a little over $3,000 to stay all 6 months.  If you feel led to donate, please go here:

http://www.g42leadershipacademy.org/donate

Click: “Donation to Leadership Academy or other G42 Ministry” on the top tab
Click: “One-Time or Reoccurring Donation” on the top tab
Click: “Leadership Academy Intern”
Click: “Name of Intern” after you have input donation information

If you would like to hear more about my vision or G42, please don’t hesitate to email me at: laurenduhame@gmail.com

I will be updating blogs as I get a chance---hopefully sharing visions, revelations, and more of the goodness life with the Lord has to offer!

Thank you for all of your support! Love you all and can't wait to chat via internet over the next 6 months! 

Please pray for safety as I travel and for relationships to develop quickly and for further vision for this home. Thanks!

Dios te bendiga!! 

Cheers to New Seasons!

I’ve switched over to a new blog. The World Race season has ended and I’m onto a new one. This one filled with meeting God’s promises face to face and fulfilling dreams, passions and visions. I wasn’t going to continue blogging, but at the request of many, I’ve decided to venture on in the blogging world.

Going onto Spain, though exciting, is also a difficult step for me. I just nuzzled back into my life and have my sweet friendships back, and I am off again for a little while. I am sad to leave these people again, but so thankful for deeply rooted relationships in Christ. I am thankful for people who are selfless enough to push me to pursue the deep things of my heart—a more intimate relationship with the Father and pursuing the hearts of young girls who need to know where their identity lies.  What a sweet thing to be a part of!

I’ve decided that this is my favorite life stage. The mid-twenties. The time when the world is at your fingertips and you simultaneously tip-toe around hoping to make the right choices while jumping into things with a big, obnoxious splash. The time when you realize that your body is becoming a diva, and is not going to allow you to do the things with it that you used to without paying for it later--but you dance the night away anyways. The time when you decide to mold your passions into your life.

My all time favorite part of this time, though, is realizing what a GIFT we’ve been given in others. It’s the time when people are moving forward, and though we’ve been living life with them for so long, it’s time to give parts of them away because they were never ours to begin with. I am loving ushering friends into new seasons…marriage, travel, babies, engagements, grad school…the list goes on. We get to release each other through tears, laughter, celebration, joy, and my personal favorite….prayer. What a powerful thing to hand over and surrender to God what was never really ours and know with a joyful heart that His plan and purpose for them is far greater than we can imagine.

Thank you to my friends and family and various communities who love so well and so deeply. Thank you for filling cups to overflowing with God’s love. Thank you for grace when life gets messy and for joy when there are so many things to celebrate! Cheers to living life to the full…just as the Lord intended!

To those of you who are new...here is where life was before this blog started: http://laurenduhame.theworldrace.org/